I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
