Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
