Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
