Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
