She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
