I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
