Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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