You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
