You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
