Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
