Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
