people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
