another moral hangover. fuck.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
