I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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