dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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