I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
