I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I FOUND THE LEGS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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