so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize