also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
