My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
