i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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