It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
