Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do vagina's smell?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
