Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
