I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A+ Viking dick
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
