you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
