If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
