my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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