i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
