dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
