i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
