I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
