So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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