Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
