And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
