living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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