I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
