I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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