see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
