32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
