Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
