I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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