the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
