All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
