he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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