Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
