After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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