I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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