If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
