he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
