before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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