New invention idea: vibrating tampons
zippers are such a cool invention
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
