after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
