Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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