that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
