The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
